Jurnalul lui Manon.

Sunt un pic fornăită.

Mă întâlnesc pe coridoare cu Alex, care a străbătut, bietul de el, o gripă de toată frumuseţea.
- Măh, cred că am răcit şi eu, de când ai bântuit tu prin şcoală cu viruşii ăia.
- A, eu am scăpat.
- Auzi, Alex, ce pastile ai luat?
- Vodafon.

Deci pufnim în râs hohotitor, instantaneu, amândoi.
- Ce-ai luat, măă?? VODAFON?
- Pardon. Modafen voiam să zic.
- Tee bag în blog!
- Ştiu!

Şi plec, râzând.

Huh. Acum m-am potolit.
Mă încearcă o migrenă.
Mă duc la cabinet, să-i cer doctoriţei un cosmotè capsulat.

Bun.

Atenţie, puţin, aici.

Am găsit această poză.

Şi de ieri, până acum, în această clipă solemnă… Ahem.

Deci cu lacrimi. …Râd.  (Deci râd de mor.)

Vă rog să observaţi faţa individului.

Sper să zâmbiţi şi voi.

…Şi să încercaţi exerciţiul.

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Plusez: Learning English pronunciation

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with ‘Nothing’ usually end in “Fine”.

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

THAT’S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

WHATEVER

It’s a woman’s way of saying FUCK YOU!

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!

3. When people say, while watching a film, “Did you see that?”. No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

4. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?

5. When something is “new and improved!”…Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn’t be new.

6. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-ass?

WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”

HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”

WIFE: “Why not – don’t you like being married?”

HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”

WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”

HUSBAND: “Okay, I’d get married again.”

WIFE: “You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: “Would you live in our house?”

HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”

WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”

HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”

WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?”

HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.”

WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”

HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”

WIFE: “Would she use my golf clubs?”

HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”

WIFE: – – -silence – -

HUSBAND: ”Shit. “

Liberty Meadows by Frank Cho.
Maxim!

An Anti-Semite walks into a bar and sees a Jew , he walks over to the bartender and orders an expensive drink for everyone except for the JEW .

He looks at the Jew and sees the Jew is smiling, so he goes and buys another round for everyone except for the Jew and the Jew is still smiling.

So he walks over to the bartender and asks him :

- “What’s with that Jew is he an idiot or something ..?? ”

- ” Oh no”, replied the bartender…. “he’s… the owner!!”

Ce lucruri avem noi în comun, tu și cu mine?

Well…

Îl las pe Carlin să spună, eu încă râd cu lacrimi…

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Pup cititorii pe okișori.

… Aveți unșpe secunde la dispoziție?

Boon.

ETE.

(P.S. Eu mă uit la clipișor pe repeat.)

Globaling your warming, baby!